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wow, i'm behind [Aug. 9th, 2005|08:10 pm]
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |Sweet Child of Mine]

I was looking for another entry/chapter from my novel to insert in here, and it turns out that i don't have anything else good enough to post on live-journal and be proud of it. Well, i do have lots of notes i'm proud of, but they're useless unless you know the whole premise/background/history/city layout/etc. I also have some good chapters, but they're very long, and pieces would suck by themselves. (also, one which i'm particularly fond of would possibly be laughed at for it's crude detail of my friendship with blufish. then again, i shouldn't have anything to worry about, this would be my friends reading this... but maybe this fiction is different? BAH!) Anyway... I've realized that there's lots of material and notes and everything else, BUT not enough of it is coherent and dialoguey to be considered novel material.

So, i'm behind. I've said i'm done before, but i'm behind. I considered myself done because i thought i'd like to just concentrate on a realistic goal of a career in computer programming/management/consulting instead of lofty dreams of becoming a novelist (and most certainly not an overnight success... which is what i'd hope for) and be happy with it's current form of mush and scrap. No one should give up dreams though. So, i'll keep posting stuff. And, as i've said out loud many times, this could just be an outlet for my passion for ideals... a never-ending work of notes and such... aproaching the most perfect place we can think of, but never assuming it's acutally attained (because then it would break).

::sigh:: well, here goes nothing...
(next post will be the first full chapter i ever wrote) ... (warning, it will be long)
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file written March 11, 2005 [Aug. 2nd, 2005|10:54 pm]
[mood |accomplishedaccomplished]
[music |Theme music from Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves]

this is a conversation between a Utopian Forum reporter and the mayor of Utopia.
Utopia is the city of Phoenix reborn after a huge civil war burns it
to the ground. This takes place in 2039, 30 years after the Second
U.S. Civil war in 2009. The city holds democratic/economic ideals and
moral values above all else, and is somewhat ruthless when dealing
with the United States... which has a slight displeasure with Utopia's
business practices because of it's ignoring U.S. vested interests.
Citizens are not common... because they require several competence
tests for maturity and understanding for even just civilian adulthood,
and then Citizens must pass many trials after several years working in
various fields. There are tons of details for the operations of the
city and it's people... but i wont get into it all here or i'd type
the whole book.
Just try to imagine, if you will, not class difference based on
wealth, but solely on skills/tallent/age/respect... yet the classes
based on wealth still exist in the rest of the world, another stark
contrast causing tension.
The Forum is an online discussion site designed to moderate all laws
and views... one where everyone is required to read bulletins and
participate actively in discussions to make sure everyone knows the
truth about what's going on, and so they are not misled by the press
from other countries.
Here is the chapter:

After a press conference, one Forum reporter gets the attention of the
mayor to interview him. He immediately recognizes her, not
necessarily from having seen her before, but her actions in the
conference immediately set her apart as a Utopian Citizen... and so he
gestures to his security to let her walk along as he leaves. When
they're far enough from the mob, he shakes her hand.
"Amy Beth, is it? The Forum?"
"Yes. Hi. What were you getting at back there? You got quite harsh
with them."
"I applaud you, miss... You handle yourself as if you were their
mother. You think I was harsh?"
"Yes. This is Utopia. You can't be talking to the press like they're
"THEY were NOT Utopian press. THEY don't have any patience. I felt
it necessary to help them understand our stance without them being
able to twist words by being pushy."
"But your wording was, yet again, something they can target. I'm
trying to help you get ahead of that before they DO twist your words
again. Just explain to me what you believe."
"Again, huh? They didn't take well to my wording of 'no vulture
capitalism' either? So, why do you ask so much about my stance on
religion in this society? If i don't talk diplomatically about any of
it, then i run the risk of offending a particular sect... and i can't
do that, it's my job to remain impartial and empathetic to every
possible oppinion."
"but as it is, being too diplomatic runs you the risk of sounding to cliche"
"oh, like: 'Faith in science or medicine is as effective as faith in
God. We believe as Truth that which we do not understand.' ?"
"yes... that's the stuff i can't stand hearing you say. you rattle
off what can appear to be 'words of wisdom' but they're just
super-neutral and cliche! The outside press is loving it. You need
to develop a stance. You sit here and be too flexible too much and
some will feel you don't have a backbone. You certainly had a strong
opinion for the investor reform committee, why not here?"
"Why not here!? Capitalism is Not to be confused with religion. And
I do too have a stance. I have a solid stance against wrong-doing in
society, and I oppose ALL that would stand in the way of other's
rights. I oppose any 'religious' practices which would do just that,
but I won't pick on religions which are, i mean could be, particularly
guilty of such wrong-doing. So what if these views are primarily
neutral? You understand politics, but you aren't letting me take this
stance? The Book says 'stick with what you are confident'... or, more
precisely, it says 'Know your limits', but... anyway, I feel I should
keep my strong stance on those things I want to be common amongst all
these citizens, not impose oppinions which would test the boundaries
on what i would like to see amongst citizens."
"I don't think it's testing boundaries... Leaders all over the world
have their religious views... why do you feel if YOU have an oppinion
that it would be imposing your citizens? What makes you different?"
"I dont know. Maybe... I want more from them. More as citizens... So
i'm strong to mold them to be good people... and, in return, I am
lenient and open-minded when it comes to religion... many things
besides religion too, but... anyway, that's why i said what i did at
the press conference."
"You're trying to be a father-figure?!?"
"I'm TRYING to set an EXAMPLE. Ok... ok... 'to mold them', those were
the wrong words. I feel ALL leaders should set a good example... but
I don't feel other leaders are doing as good a job as they should be.
This is where we demonstrate the difference between the way we do
things here vs the rest of the world. When Citizens see that, they
can make better judgments for themselves.
"You Really are arrogant, aren't you? You think you shouldn't have a
religious view other than 'all religions are true... to some extent'
because it's good for PR and/or it will help citizens take your other
oppinions to heart."
"I didn't say that."
"You said something close."
"No, i didn't even mean it that way, either"
"Then clarify yourself or this interview won't get anywhere."
"I SAID, 'In essence, there is no one 'true' religion, but
furthermore, All religions are true.' Period. I believe that there is
a fabric this universe is built into, and every religion is an attempt
at explaining that fabric. If we were to truly understand that
fabric, we could find truth in every single religion. All of them.
But the problem is... WE ARE ONLY HUMAN. Made up of finite matter
across a finite time... both as individuals and as the whole human
race. Finite enough that no one person or group or race can possibly
fully understand that fabric, nor be capable of describing it with one
religion. Since I see it that way, I cannot and will not side with
any one faith over another... so Don't ask me to. ever again. Please."
"Well then... you do hold up under pressure, that's for sure."
"A complement... that's a stark contrast."
"Call it constructive criticism..."
"Excuse me?"
laughs, "Um, What i meant to say is... this... this very
conversation... is what will bode well for you in the forums.
Permission to use this transcript verbatim?"
"Absolutely. But 'constructive criticism?'"
"Maybe those are the wrong words. I mean... this work I do... I
practice defense law as well. The common practice in the western
world is to drill your witness harder than your opponent would,
criticizing them at every turn to strengthen their testimony. I feel
getting to talk to you has shown me... a'hem... what an effective team
we can be."
smiles "well then, i invite your 'criticism' any time"
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As promised... this is the contents of a file written 1/12/03: [Jul. 28th, 2005|08:45 pm]
[mood |productiveproductive]
[music |theme from Full Metal Achemist 2nd season]

Well, I'm back at my apt. Drove here on my rental. Parents takeing it back.

The rental was a ford Taurus, nice, '03 model, decent acceleration. But it's why i've got it is the problem... and a goodbye.

The red wagon... the 1994 Ford Taurus GL Wagon... has been totaled.

I was driving in Sharon, outside Walpole MA, with meghan... we were going to the movies, came from a little christian store... it was snowing, roads were icy... car slid off the right quite hard into a rock wall. A guy hit the back end a few minutes later to be the icing on the cake.

I loved that car. Almost as much as i loved the couch, i LOVED that car. It's not that it was anything super, or special... it was just big enough to carry and cart tons of friends on long trips to everywhere. that's what i loved. it's the first car i did EVERYTHING in. It was the first car i used and abused in every way, and loved it to death.

I wish i were putting more gramatical strength into these words, as a better remembrance for this car... but for no particular reason i dont have the strenth of mind at the moment. But rather than get into discussion on why my writing wont be great, or why i should put better words down, i will just go on with the rememberance...

Places i've gone:

Toronto: with dan, LB, Emma, and me. snuck out with this car, as usual, keeping my parents in the dark that i drove it all those 4/500 miles out there... HULLABALOOOOOZAAAS!!!

Before that, Seneca Lake: winery's... with 7 people. even got to use the rear seat thingy... then keith got sick when we got back... a few times. that was fun... 100 miles out from Binghamton.

Johnson City NY so many many many times: to visit amanda, keith, whoever... and back when i actually lived there, back and forth to visit sloane in CT.

Boston: to drive Megs around... oh yeah, and to drive sloane there... ah yes, and to drive becca home from logan.

Friggin B-something VERMONT!!!: geez... drove sherri all the way up there to have her bitch out her ex till he werent her ex no more. but i loved that trip... hit a buck-20 on I-89 on the way home. got a pin from "vermont's finest"... that was 200 miles? yeah something like that.

Dan's place in Swansea.

Providence Place Mall.

Sherri's house.

Worchester with meghan so she could go to a concert... while i stayed in the car and read some stuff for my Cyberlaw report.

Keene? Mt Manadnock: with melissa, Erin, Tammy and Mark.

Back and forth to my apt here at school.

The top of Sugarloaf mt: one time doing this i left it up there while Megs and i walked the mountain... then it got left up there... and the police called.

The top of Mt Holyoke: birthday party for Julie. (i wanted something similar to this to be the end of the screen play)

Well i'm not going to list things i've done... because they're mostly erotic... and other stuff too... but still, i think there's other stuff i could talk about.

You see, i was kind of excited when the whole accident thingy happened... it was fun. i was never in an accident before... megs and i got out without injuries at all... so it wasnt a big deal. After i got home and sat at my kitchen table... i crashed. I didnt have the car i did so many things in anymore... but more than that (at that time, anyway) it was going to cost my parents a ton of money. Insurance wouldnt be good to us... well... i dont know that yet, but it wont look good... the car was old, lots of miles. I was saying to everyone... and i will say now: I love driving.

Driving has been such a release, a pasttime, a therapy for me.

Its not the fact that i love the car, its not even the fact that i love to travel... it's these couple things: When i'm in my car it's usually to visit someone i love, or its with someone i love in the car with me, or i'm leaving somewhere i dont want to be, and going to a place i do. I feel calmer just sitting in my car yes... but it's just the trained position i'm sitting in, where i'm so used to moving through space... at whatever speed... so long as it's not 0.
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hmm... where to start... [Jul. 26th, 2005|09:47 pm]
[mood |flirtyflirtatious]
[music |Denis steals the embryos (JP soundtrack)]

::smart thinking rich... ask a girl to tell you what to write.:: ... ::in fact, ask them all:: ::shakes head::

so, i was at a training seminar in waltham today. Good drive, about hour and a half with traffic. I've come to realize that it's actually important to treat people like idiots when they use computers. Most people aren't idiots (especially if they're running the corporate headquarters of my employer)... but this 'right-click' 'left-click' with the mouse thing just doesn't sink in with so many people regardless of intellect. You can't train just the technophiles and speed along... the trainers are paid to make sure Everyone understands. But you can't hold up the whole class either. It all just brings me back to the fact that i Hate standardized testing.

Ok, rather than ramble about my ideals again... i've got another idea:

"Condors. Yes... If i were to create a flock of Condors on this island, you wouldn't have a problem with what i'm doing"

Ok, i brought jurassic park into the mumbling. What next...

ssssssomething wonderful this way comes? (i hit the 's' key by accident and i tried to NOT hit the backspace and incorporate it into something to write)

WOW i'm bored. And all my friends have to read about it!!! MUahahaha!!
Speaking of friends:
Amanda T... Goodluck on your Drivers Test!!! Get packing and see you this weekend.
Amanda R... hope Buck isn't eating anything else he's not supposed to.
Michelle... very nice to meet you :-) Is this entry doing justice to the writing arts?
Caroline... Did you get married yet?
Carolyn... dont work too hard. and Rich Soucy says hi... with that wicked grin of his.
Rebecca... YAY WE"RE GOING TO DCI!!!!
Michelle (same girl, but another message)...
Beth... glad to get an old friend back from college :-)
Tiffany... get better and Stay better,dammit so we can go to the beach with emily.
ummmmmm... no, 'ummmmmm' is not a girl, i'm pondering who else i know that reads this stuff...
Oh yeah! ...
Dan... hi :-P
Sherri... Post a comment and let me know when to meet you at work or something so i can get my prescription sunglasses. That'll be sweet :-D I'll be thrifty AND cool looking. Because we both know i could use more cool... looking.

Ok, now that's out of the way.

Rather than just leave on a stupid note... i leave a teaser for my NEXT entry:
another excerpt from my scrapbook of UTOPIA:2039...
"...it is the problem... and a goodbye. The red wagon... the 1994 Ford Taurus GL Wagon... has been totaled."
Ah yes, the text will be delectable. somber, inspiring, and true.

ok, going away now.
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things looking up... [Jul. 3rd, 2005|01:16 pm]
[mood |thankfulthankful]
[music |katamari damacy soundtrack]

It's been a few months since i last wrote... but since the biggest positive change in my life had just happened the last time i wrote, i [somewhat] feel little else is noteworthy. That's not entirely true... but comparatively, the other things have been gradual changes for the better... or have been a direct result of the new career.

Oh yeah, i can better explain what that is now: I work for Harvey Industries as a COBOL programmer. For those who don't know who they are, they make Harvey Windows. Fully custom built-to-order when-you-order window production for wholesalers. Nothing is stocked! It's the type of company with an infrastructure so strong and effecient that they'll survive a 10-year recession (they also accomplish this by being privately owned, and being so wealthy they can afford to buy everything outright in cash). Anyways... all this infrastructure and automation is controlled with COBOL code... which is where I come in. If people on the production floor notice their equipment is making mistakes, i fix the code to fix the machines' tooling. Or, if a manager wants a report done nightly for all completed windows from plant X going to warehouse N on the next truck... i write a program that grabs the data and translates it for the printer. Fun stuff.

The big thing about COBOL is that it is a rediculusly simple and easy language in terms of syntax... HOWEVER, this leaves open huge hole to fill with naming conventions and coding practices that are completely company-specific, and so learning how to appropriately name your variables and functions and files and programs is a real challenge. It takes a lifetime of working with one company to understand all their COBOL programs... and so they hire programmers for Long-term.

With this newfound good fortune (making a decent salary + living at my parent's = savings gets very big very fast): I've bought new glasses which look identical to the old ones but aren't broken because of blufish2004's boney ass; I bought a new black hat identical to my old black hat which turned into a brown hat from many band camps; I've gotten up to 132 lbs from all this food I can afford now (climbing a half pound a week!); I bought a Sentra Spec-V to replace my Ford P.O.S.; MY PARENTS ARE OFF MY ASS!!!; MY SISTER IS HUMBLED!!!

Not due to the job, but still 'good fortune' i guess: I won an ipod shuffle and traded it in for cash to buy a PS2 and some games; Dad's teaching me how to ride a motorcycle; I'm actually enjoying being single.

ok, done for now... i have to go cook.
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i have a job... [Apr. 12th, 2005|11:09 pm]
[mood |energeticenergetic]
[music |Canned Heat by Jamiroquai!!!]

No, lemmi rephrase that:

this is good. this is very good. now i just have to finish my degree and i'm all set for life...

now... where did i put that COBOL book?
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:.-( [Apr. 9th, 2005|03:03 pm]
[mood |discontentdiscontent]
[music |Sweet Home Alabama]

i really feel i dont belong in new england. Binghamton, NY is so much more my place... even if it is very poor.

i left there just yesterday, and when i got home i felt so out-of-place that i felt like i was only going to be here for an hour or so and then leave to go to my real home... wherever that is. Everywhere else seems like more of a home to me than my parents house.

I like being on the road a lot. I've noticed it's because i always feel like when i'm on the road i'm going to someplace i'd like being more than the place i left.

I already have lots of places to go, but i could use more... i want keep up this habbit... plop down in many odd, under-appreciated towns for a few months, leaving a good impression and a positive mark, and be on my way. I return to each place depending on my mood. Binghamton is where i can go if i feel like lending a hand, being appreciated, and otherwise bumming around and doing nothing. Phoenix (in the winter) is somewhere i can go if i want some nice weather, chatting a lot, and staying on my feet with things to do. Avon is where i go for understanding, compassion, being pampered, and pretty anime girls. Amherst is somewhere to go for nostalgia, but little else. Boston is somewhere i go to explore construction, and just watch progress happen before my eyes (i'm a bit addicted to progress), and for otherwise feeling like i'm still in college. Toronto is for the best night-life on earth (Hulla, i'm gonna miss you SO much!). Salem is for window shopping, so is Northampton. Windham is for keep-to-yourself yuppies, and my parents... SOOO not my home.
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Disapearing act [Apr. 5th, 2005|03:00 am]
[mood |energeticadventurous]
[music |Anime Kung-Fu Generation (FMA)]

It's time for my semi-annual disapearing act. This time, I hope i dont drown. (Broome County, NY is under 5 feet of water from 29 foot river swells. "ROAR!!!" says Mother Nature) It's always a treat to drive 6 hours just for a really good hug. I certainly have places to get hugs around here... but i like driving this route so much, it's an added bonus.

There's a million reasons why i love this drive. First, It's beautiful... absolutely gorgeous scenery... and to think i'm driving it on the first guaranteed sunny morning of the year. Cloud structures around mountains often start rising from the forests right at the time i get there. I drive over the clouds, under them, through them... watching the sunlight shine through like those 'God'-rays Dan always talked about. Second, it's far away from my parents. Third, it's far away from the hell of new-england arrogant assholes. Fourth, it's far away from civilization. It's a tiny little city in the middle of west bum-fuck woods... kinda like UMass Amherst. Did i mention it's away from my parents? Ok, fuck counting. It's also a place where i spent 6 months at a co-op for IBM, made a ton of money, lived VERY well, taught marching band at the local high school, and learned so much about business, friends, teaching, relationships, and what i want in life.

Part of what i realized i want is to be able to work barely 40 hours a week and live comfortably... just like i did out there. I know what i'm capable of, and i know what i'm worth. I will not accept less... but I want to be content... not 'have to climb the ladder, have to climb the ladder... no amount of money is enough... i always need more than i have' mentality. It's a vibe i get here in new england that i HATE. If i can have a bigger impact on the world, whether it be a higher position or just being more active in the community, then i'll take it either way. But it's not about the money. It's just about being comfortable and not having to worry about money.

My cell phone works if you'd like to say hi... but at the moment, this girl has most of my attention :-)

Oh, and if Harvey Industries likes my references... I will soon have a job... paying MORE than IBM did. They put me first on their list! WOOHOO!
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(no subject) [Mar. 23rd, 2005|04:46 am]
[mood |tiredTIRED!!!! it's 5am]
[music |cleaning out my closet]

Muahahaha! I have ICONS!!!

::i swear i'm punctual::
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Consequence of Industry [Mar. 11th, 2005|06:17 pm]
Derived from "Cradle to Cradle" by McDonough & Braungart:

Must we believe that a consequence of human industry is unavoidable ecological demise? (and so we feel we should just desensitize ourselves from the consequence and move ahead unhindered) Why do we feel that in order to maintain profit, order, diligence, and compatibility that we need to enforce conformity, expense, waste cycles, and class distance? Why not, instead, see that the demise is not a consequence of industry, but a consequence of maintaining vested interests in the current industrial chain.

We do not need to make a car that pollutes for it to be cheap and profitable and have it still help the economy. It is NOT the environment holding us back, nor is it the economy... it is simply vested interests! In fact, we can make a less expensive, longer lasting, and more labor involved car that is Better for the environment and pulls in the same profit! "HOW!?" you may ask? Simply by eliminating the dependence we have on vested interests. That means no profiteers, sub-economies, contracts, regulations, or laws comming in at the request of these corporations. Just pure expense measurement... one which includes not only the production costs, and r&d, but also the expense of any environmental impact on the future.
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